The marathon and the metaphor

I think a lot of people use running as their thinking time, the space, the head time, their opportunity to force themselves to process. That’s not my purpose for running, but when I run long distances, even with others, after a while, my chat stops and I draw my thoughts inward. Not that I could tell you what I’m thinking mind you.

So it’s not surprising that when I write about running on this blog I reveal a bit more about me and what’s ticking at that particular moment.
My marathon gave me a lot of thinking time (again, of what I can barely remember).  But I have also had lots of thinking & processing to do after it.  You see, not all races go to plan, & in a marathon, such a long race, there is far more scope for things to go awry.


I’ll start my review of my Bournemouth marathon by extolling the divine beauty of the route. It was on the whole flat, many miles of it along the beach front, decked with colourful beach huts – and sand dusting the walkway. We ran around two piers!  Even the parts of the route that were away from the coast were through desirable suburbs and the most wonderful shady trees. There were quite a few switchbacks which at the beginning were fun, catching sight of faster friends who were in a different start group, but as the race went on, it became ever harder to know you had to go somewhere else before you came back!

Out to Boscombe
And the weather was stunning: blue skies and so hot women were in bikinis.  In Ocotber. The golden sand glowed, the sea twinkled. Sights in Poole harbour of groups windsurfing and sailing caused total envy.  It was a wonderful sight and running route. The best it could probably have been in my book, you know I loves me a seaside run. ( except rather long!)   And was it the weather, or the novelty (this being the first marathon in Bournemouth), or the local interest in running that brought the crowds out to support? The whole route just about had people cheering us on, thank you local residents and visitors alike. You were ace.

Out to PooleI felt the luckiest runner in the race to have supporters travel to Bournemouth to cheer me on.  It makes me emotional just thinking about it & I tell you they were a godsend.  My sons & the eldest son’s girlfriend travelled from Manchester & we had a fun time in the town the day before.  We had the most amazing Italian meal the night before in La Strada. What an atmosphere – as soon as we entered the door we knew we were in for a real treat with Italian tunes (a bit of Dino too), restaurant heaving, waiting staff non stop but providing just the right amount of attention.  And fab food.

So lucky.20Look carefully that’s me & in the crowd my friends & my banner!!

My running friends travelled across from their weekend in Weymouth to cheer me on with the biggest surprise – a banner made especially for me!!!  These are the memories that I will hold onto.


But as I said there’s been lots of thinking after the race itself.  Yes I finished & got my medal & tee-shirt, but how hard it is coping with disappointment for not running the race you trained for?  (And you know you’re slow when you get to the end and all of the small tee-shirts have gone 🙁  ).  This is the first time it’s happened to me, on such a scale and it’s given me a new level of understanding to everyone who goes through this.

So I have tried to rationalise, understand and find something to be proud of.  Having a few “counselling” sessions with a friend has really helped me put it in a different perspective.  A few sleeps later & truly the memories that are strongest are those I’ve just described- the visuals & the support.  But I share what’s next because 1. I try to present a true picture of being a late-starting runner that tries to improve (but was never a natural runner!) and 2. because anyone reading this who has a similar experience will feel less alone!

Thats me plodding.11

So first of all, remember that completing the training is an achievement in itself.  Extending your ability to to run from the 13.1 miles up to 22 in my case as my longest run, is mega.  It’s grueling.  You have to dig deep to find inner strength to keep going, you have to find coping mechanisms just to maintain forward momentum.  Breaking your run into manageable chunks as your next “milestone” worked well for me in training.  I had also been watching “Dexter” during the summer & I was in awe of Dexter’s sister, Debs & her ability to swear with such fluency & alacrity.  I think there was quite a lot of that going on in my head during the trickiest bits.  And I’d laugh about it afterwards.  Then counting up to 100. Then again, up to 100.  and again, and again and again.  Anything to keep going, whatever works for you.  So I got up to 22 miles with no walking & was averaging just over 10 minute miles.  I was running over 40 miles a week towards the end & whilst I know there could have been better quality training (eg adding intervals)  I could have done, I was confident that I could add on another 4 on the day.  That’s all that mattered.


I rested up the week before with early nights, plenty of hydration & higher carbs than usual.  So I got to the weekend before the race ready.  But there are always going to be things that are completely out of your control.  Even if you do everything else right.

Call it bad luck.  But remember you can’t allow for everything.  Random stuff happens.  For me it came thus:

  • My hotel room on Friday and Saturday was potentially the worst in the hotel for noise, not only from the non-stop busy main road it overlooked but on the other side it was  located next to the confluence of internal staircases used frequently and all night by hotel guests.  That was Friday and 3 hours sleep.  The hotel was full though.  No chance for a swap.  On Saturday the earplugs I had bought could not cope with the the banging party with disco in the function room in the mezzanine next door. (I could not believe it!) The manager himself told me he was there till 2:45.  I was awake for all of it.  I was hanging before I even started.  My resolve before I even got to the start was as fragile as my physical being.  (Next time I shall be very choosy about accommodation.  Learn from my experience)
  • SouvenirInjury: my knee went at mile 6. Intermittently, a mile here, two miles there. Up slopes, down slopes it would switch on & off make me wince & run funny.  Eventually I got it strapped at mile 18 and that helped a lot.  But by then I had already spent too much time run-walking. (This is my first running injury, I could not have predicted or planned for this).
  • The weather was super for October. There were women in bikinis along the route. Our race started at 10 am, even the best runners would be running across the midday heat. Those of us who took longer were in it for longer. I’m not good in the heat, as I have mentioned before, but in comparison with the above two factors, this was just something to cope with.  I did get a tan though (!!!! it was that hot!!) & was glad that I carried my own hydration & an extra energy gel. (That’s all you can do to prepare)

So how do you cope with the disappointment in yourself? After the event you feel that your marathon effort wasn’t worthy of being described as ‘ running’ a marathon ? That’s what I really wanted to be able to say, but I have to be content that despite all my bad luck I can say I’ve ‘finished ‘ a marathon.  I could have pulled out, but I didn’t.  And I am so proud of  the other things that surround my experience:

  • What was important about the marathon to me wasn’t the race, I didn’t run it because I’ve always wanted to. The five months training gave me focus and a powerful medicine to heal myself through a period of personal difficulty.  I knew that training for a marathon would be a process, a journey & that the long runs would bring more than just physical benefits – it’s the endorphins, innit?!  And I knew that after the marathon I would be in a different place as it was a way to mark time.
  • I’ve made a fabulous new friend as a result of training – someone I’ll continue running with (sadly we ran in different marathons).  He did really well so that’s something else I am proud of!
  • The wealth of love and support shown by so many wonderful people in my life – I get wobbly and have been known to well up when I see how far friends and family are backing me in this endurance challenge.

Serene BournemouthAs with the other pics, this is Bournemouth the next morning.  Serene.  A perfect opportunity to reflect, recover and enjoy.

And this is symbolic for me.  When I think about it, this marathon had to be really hard, really horrible because it marks the end of a really tough time in my life.  I will make it so.  It is time to get on with life after the marathon.

Will I enter another?  Well, I feel strangely resigned to the fact that there is unfinished business: I trained to run a marathon.  I haven’t achieved that yet.  I know I can.  So it’s not ruled out.  Just not yet though!

So if you have got to the end of reading this, coping with over exclamation marks included, thank you!  And thank you to everyone who has also supported me through this blog, & even emailed me directly.  I do feel so incredibly lucky to have so many kind supportive caring people in my world.  Here’s to you!

48 thoughts on “The marathon and the metaphor

  1. Jane

    As someone who’s working on getting round the parkrun without walking, well done, Winnie! The marshall was telling me about the counting to 100 technique.

    Love your outfit, too.

      1. Jane

        Thanks, Winnie. I wrote down a list of reasons of why I want to run, just as you recommended in a running post. One of them was wanting to be part of the running community; my friends who love running are soooo encouraging!

        Oh, got something in my eye…

  2. Jane

    Winnie, I can’t say much because I’m actually blubbing as I type this (will I EVER toughen up?!) Here’s to life after the marathon. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – you’re amazing my friend! xxxxxxxx

    1. scruffybadgertime Post author

      Oh Jane, you honey! Thank you. I tell you I’ve been blubbing for England mainly due to how wonderful people are and how supported I’ve felt by them. I’ll share my hankies with you!!

  3. Annabel Vita

    Congratulations, Winnie! What an incredible achievement. I hope that’s what you think about when you remember it. We are often so much harder on ourselves than we ever would be on anyone else.

    I started doing a couch to 5k programme this year and I’m inordinately proud of myself for finally hitting the 3k without a break mark (it’s not a marathon but a huge achievement for someone who struggled with the one-minute runs at first!). I have found your running posts incredibly inspiring along the way.

    “Breaking your run into manageable chunks as your next “milestone” worked well for me in training.” – I learnt this skill from learning to sew and it has been so useful in so many different areas of my life. You can do anything if you take it one step at a time.

      1. scruffybadgertime Post author

        Annabel, thank you so much for your words of wisdom too. Why do we set ourselves such high standards sometimes? Or even if we do, we can’t meet them every single time.
        All the best with your running programme. I really do believe that if you can stick to it you can get to a point when you enjoy it ! It’s when you start to see that you’re improving and getting other benefits that it all clicks (& making sure you run at a pace that’s not too hard is important too. How can you ever enjoy it if you’re always struggling to breathe! I used to always run too fast – & consequently found little to enjoy!!)

  4. Lene

    Congratulations! I don’t know what exactly went wrong but I will tell you my story. I am 62 and in June this year I entered the Perth marathon. This was the first marathon for me – and the last one. I trained for 5 months, did the distances and came in the second female in my age group. I ran up till the last 4 km when I was totally spent and walked/ran the last bit. However, it took me a very long time – 5 hr 18 min. I had hoped to finish in under 5 hrs but that was not to be. Initially I was so disappointed, but now I feel so proud of completing my first marathon at 62.

    1. scruffybadgertime Post author

      Lene what a star you are!! At 62 running your first marathon. Second woman in your age group! Wowweee!! It’s people like you who are the inspiring ones, I tell you. I’m so glad that you do feel proud and can see past what was disappointing at the time to what the true achievement was. I take my hat off to you.
      It shows that time helps balance out what should be remembered & smooths out the things we judge ourselves too harshly over.

  5. Kate @ M is for make

    Congratulations on finishing, I think however you do it, it’s such an achievement, even if you didn’t do it as you planned, I think you are amazing.

    I was in Poole/Bournemouth at the weekend and my brother in law ran it – it was so hot, not ideal conditions. It was his third marathon, having passed out in his first, not got the time he wanted in his second (Manchester) I think he got what he wanted at Bournemouth, and couldn’t rest till he did.

    If you like seaside Marathons and are planning to do another, how about Brighton in April – another pretty, pier-festooned route, if hilly in places. Me and my family will cheer you on 🙂

    1. scruffybadgertime Post author

      I think it was amazing conditions for spectators Kate, and well done brother in law! Coming in on his goal. But sharing his story shows that it doesn’t always work out to plan, and I empathise with him – passing out is tough.
      It’s a lovely thought – running the Brighton marathon with new friends to cheer me on too! So a big thank you for that thought …. (hilly though ? ;-s )

  6. Sam

    Winnie, you should feel incredibly proud that you got this far, training for and completing your first marathon. It’s a great achievement, you have my sincere admiration for even contemplating this. It’s always hard though when things don’t work out in “real life” like we’ve planned them in our heads. Sorry you got injured part way round.

    Bournemouth looks gorgeous in your photos (I love it there!), what amazing weather for October.

    I do hope that now you’ve got through this tough marathon following a tough period in your life things will be wonderful for you (further marathons included if you so choose!).

    1. scruffybadgertime Post author

      Thank you Sam! Your words are wise ones & I’m hearing them too much for them to just gloss over. I shall take it to heart. Bit by bit I’m feeling more positive about what I’ve done….writing about it was also part of coming to terms with it …
      Bournemouth the next day- heaven! I sat on a deck chair for some of the morning just taking it all in, the peace, the sky, the sound of the sea…

  7. Roisin

    Like Jane, this post made me do a big cry. Winnie, I think you’re an incredible person for many reasons but your tenacity is definitely one of them. I know that it can be easy to focus on how things didn’t go the way you wanted them to, and your ability to force yourself to find some perspective is really inspiring.

    1. scruffybadgertime Post author

      Aww, Roisin, thank you & hope I didn’t make your mascara run! I think there is so much positive energy around me in the wonderful people in my life (you included!) and that has helped shift my perspective. I really do feel lucky. x

  8. CGCouture

    I’m winded after waddling around my neighborhood, so I can’t even begin to imagine what it would take to run a marathon! So I’m just impressed that you not only finished, but that you even tried at all!! 🙂

  9. Ginger

    Oh, Winnie… I’m all weepy, too! The fact that you finished the race at all given the adverse circumstances is a testament to your strength. It’s so frustrating that you trained and trained, but in the end, there were so many circumstances outside your control that were major obstacles. But I’m glad that running has given you such a way to stay focused and sane during difficult times. You’re in my thoughts and prayers, and I’m MAJORLY proud of you! Dude, you ran a marathon! That’s so amazing!

  10. Andrea

    You ran a whole marathon, and yet you are plannng on running another one. You’re pretty inspiring, you know? I would have given up after one day of training. Perhaps I should get inspired enough to go to the gym today… Keep on giving ‘er Ms. Badger!

  11. Kathryn

    I was in Bournemouth on sat visiting my gran and we saw some of the runners. It’s hugely inspiring to see so many people out there giving it a go. Honestly, it’s such an achievement, I hope you don’t feel too bad about your time because just having done it is incredible! Also it was ridiculously hot that day, don’t know how you coped, I was boiling just walking along. I love reading about your running even though it’s a hobby I’ve never tried, thanks for this thoughtful post.

  12. sewlittletime

    wow – you do realise you ran a marathon, don’t you? more than 99.9% of people will even be able to say they did (including me! i did a 10k and was impressed that i finished!). you can never predict an injury and you carried on and ran another 20 miles at a point that most people would have given up. you did amazingly – give yourself loads of credit for what you did. there’s always another time to do things differently. well done missus!

    1. Rachel

      “there’s always another time to do things differently.” That has got to be one of the best things I’ve heard in a while, and a great motto to have in life. Although this was directed at Winnie, I’m going to thank you as I really appreciated it! Rachel 🙂

  13. LinB

    Disappointment is a hard one. You know in your head that you should congratulate yourself for doing your best, that unforeseen circumstances are beyond your control, that an injury needs to be tended not ignored. But in your heart? You feel ashamed of yourself for not being more noble, and shrugging off frustration at your reaction. You feel guilty for feeling sorry for yourself, when there are hungry children in the world, etc. etc. etc. The best unsolicited advice I can fling at you is to go ahead and let yourself have a good old weep, in private, whenever you want, as many times as you want. (Widowed friends say that crying in the shower is the best place — no one is likely to walk in on you, and your face will be wet because of the bathwater as well as your tears, and if you get red eyes you can blame it on the soap or shampoo.) Disappointment swallowed is toxic. Disappointment diluted with tears and then flushed out your eyeballs can be dealt with more rationally, later. I’m glad you had a support team around you, and realize that you are loved.

  14. Rachel

    Winnie, you are a legend. You have achieved something that very few people in the whole population do: trained for and completed a marathon. Hats off to you. You are also a legend for sharing some of the ‘harder’ moments with us – very brave and helpful.
    I know exactly what you mean about achieving something, but having that feeling of not having done it in a manner in which you wanted to – not feeling 100% of the success as planned – for whatever reason. For years, I was embarrassed at the time it took me to “run” my first half marathon (2’32). Forgetting that before I entered, I had never run, other than on the hockey pitch. I started my training by running a couple of lamp posts, walking one, then running a few more. Once I crossed the finish line though, I forgot about how far I had come and focussed instead on how quicker people were relative to me. People that had been running for a long time. Actually that doesn’t even matter. Only recently did I start to be proud of my time and what it represented. And when someone laughed and said that full marathons can be run in 2’32, I questioned what this person’s fastest time was. He laughed and said, oh yes of course, I have never done one – you should be proud of your achievement. The reason I say all this, is that you should be proud too. Proud of the commitment you showed, proud of your tenacity, proud of having dealt with extenuating circumstances, proud of staying strong, proud of inspiring others etc etc. Proud of doing it.
    You are fantastic. Rachel 🙂

  15. Taracat

    You completed a marathon- You are amazing! Don’t beat yourself up about what went wrong – you did a marathon, and you want to run another! I can barely run up the stairs. I am totally in awe and inspired by you, and the fact that you completed it despite all the difficulties and you are going to do it all again just makes you even more awesome in my book.

  16. SewSleepy

    Well done you. I am a late starter runner and hope one day to run 5K, had thought it would be this year but not so far. I think you did brilliantly and am so impressed that rather than the, been there done that ,attitude you’ve gone for ,the unfinished business, approach. you should be very proud and I’m sure it wont be long before you complete a marathon.

  17. Sue

    a) you are a marathon runner
    b) you trained to run a marathon as a runner not as a ‘fun runner’
    c) you were fit, prepared and experienced in other distances
    d) you had a bad race
    e) you are still a runner
    f) you will recover from your injury
    g) you will probably run another marathon
    h) you are now and have always been slightly mad!!!!!
    and…I am looking forward to running with you again…as long as its sensible distances!
    I am proud and envious of your achievement…for all my running successes etc…I have never run the distances you have either in your training or on the 6th October.
    You are ace xxx

  18. MrsC (Maryanne)

    Winnie you are BRILLIANT! You finished the course with your knee injured! Good grief woman it’s a miracle and a huge indication of how mad, and how amazing you are 🙂
    I don’t run, I barely walk sometimes, but I do know what it is like to find the experience of something doesn’t live up to the imagining of it. As I stood at the altar delivering my wedding vows, my back ached almost unbearably. At the time I felt so upset that this important moment was marred. Now, I remember the experience of being there doing our thing and all the great stuff, not the pain. I just remember it happened. It is a little thing really and what you have achieved is a major thing, and I know that you feel you have unfinished business and want to run the race all the way, and maybe one day you will, because you choose to do it.
    Looking at this as a tale of two races – one that didn’t pan out the way you wanted it to, and one that was an amazing, uplifting experience in a gorgeous location that you completed. That’s life isn’t it! I know the last 6 months or so has been really tough, like that first race. And the other one is a time of highlights and miracles you’ve shared with us, some of which I suspect wouldn’t have happened without the tough stuff, because people we love rally around when times are tough!
    I wish for you much happiness and contentment in everything you choose to do. You are inspiring to me! xoxo

  19. Debbie

    I have followed your blog for some time now but this is the first time that I have commented. I always find your running posts so completely inspiring and as someone who began running last October at the age of 41 and completed her first half marathon on Sunday (royal parks) I am totally in awe -i cannot imagine running a further 13 miles more. (13.1 miles is more than enough for me thank you!) YOU RAN A MARATHON! That is an amazing achievement and yes you did run it, you ran not walked, maybe not as fast as you wanted to but you ran. Stop being so hard on yourself you are amazing. It was hot on Sunday which caught people by surprise me included and you were injured and not sufficiently rested. These things were out of your control and would impact on your time significantly. I’m beginning to understand that it’s the nature of the beast to never be happy with your race, to always want to shave time off PBs and always strive to be better but don’t let that cloud the fact that you actually ran a marathon. If someone had told you a couple of years ago that you would run a marathon would you have believed them?- look how far you’ve come.
    You have inspired me to enter Bath half next year and Wyvern Christmas cracker this year (am tasked with sewing the costumes for my running group)
    Deb x

  20. Amanda

    Winnie, what an amazing journey you have been on the last five months! Lots of learning, strengthening and dude- you completed a freaking marathon! That is amazing! Here is to all the skills you have learnt from this race and to an even more epic next marathon. You are fierce! (and sassily dressed!)

  21. Katy

    Not sure my first comment made it on the blog (everything froze at a blank screen), but I wanted to try again. Your tenacity and humor for running, sewing, and family are incredible! Great inspiration for me!

  22. Gina

    I just recently started following your blog for the sewing, but I have to say that this post was really meaningful to me. I just started running this year, and my husband and I trained for a 10K that we ran this past August. I say ran, but we ended up having to run/walk it, and we were so upset that we didn’t run the whole way – something we had done three times in training! But it just works out that way sometimes, and we just have to be proud of what we’ve accomplished. We ran 4 miles before we had to do a bit of walking in our race. If you had told me that I would be able to run 4 miles at the beginning of this year, I would have laughed in your face. So even though it wasn’t exactly what I wanted, it was still a huge accomplishment. And I would say finishing a marathon is as well! I can’t imagine completing one, even if I walked the whole way! I would like to work up to a half marathon one day, but the full marathon length just seems like such a superhuman feat to me . . . so you definitely have something to be proud of! I hope you are able to revel in your accomplishment a bit, and I hope your knee is on the mend!

  23. Sabs

    Don’t think of it as a disappointment, think of it as an achievement! You worked really hard, you put in the time and the effort of training, you DID run a marathon!! You should be incredibly proud of yourself. You’ve really inspired me to carry on running. Oh and I sometimes plan my (hand made) outfits for the week while I run!

  24. Amber

    I know you are not happy with your result, but you are right, life sometimes isn’t perfect. Congratulations on your first marathon! Run/walk? How many people have even attempted such a thing? Keep your head high, your tights bright, your body hydrated and kill it in your next one!

  25. Debbie B

    I can’t believe I missed this post on my blog reader until today, thank you so much for sharing Winnie, you are one courageous woman! You made an amazing achievement completing a marathon, something that the majority of people would not even contemplate doing. You really were astoundingly unlucky with your hotel accommodation and a first time injury, neither could have been planned for at all and they conspired to not allow you to run the race you’d planned. But I’m so glad you’re trying to concentrate on the positives of your experience, they’re the only things that matter really. Take time to recover and re-energise and you will hopefully soon look back upon the experience as the great achievement it really is 🙂

  26. Marie

    Oh Winnie, what a moving post! I think you are bloody marvellous in every single way and you should feel SO proud of yourself! I’m happy that you feel this marathon has marked an end to a rough time, because the next one will be a much more positive experience for sure – I have no doubt about that. As for Deb…I adore her filthy mouth too. In fact (forgive me for sharing, but I can’t help it), my favourite phrase of hers was one describing babies – “A motherf*cking, roly poly, chubby cheeked, shit machine”. Hehe!

  27. scruffybadgertime Post author

    Gosh folks, I have been so overwhelmed with your comments !
    So many wise words, all of which I have taken to heart, so much support & kindness.
    I have stopped replying individually as I was in danger of writing the same thing.
    A massive thank you to everyone for everything you’ve written me.
    I am humbled & feel again, so lucky.
    If I could hug each & every one of you I warn you, you’d get a soggy shoulder!!!

  28. Joy

    Thanks for sharing, Winnie. I’m sorry it didn’t go as well as you had hoped. I think just getting through a marathon is quite an achievement, since the farthest I go is 3 miles right now (with walking!). Since there are crowds of people running on marathon day, it must seem like tons of people can do it. But, no, very few people have finished, or even dreamed possible, a marathon.

  29. Ripleygirl

    Oh Winnie, I wish I’d known! I don’t know if you’ll remember me, but your blog inspired me to start sewing clothes (or at least to try), and I even sent you a proud photo of my first a-line skirt. I live so close to Bournemouth, in the middle of fields where it’s lovely and quiet. If I;d known, I’d have put you up like a shot.

    Whether it’s running or sewing, you are clearly an inspiration to lots of people. Just carry on being so.

    And if you decide to try the Bournemouth run again, remember you’re welcome here. I will see if I can PM you somehow so you’ve got my email address.

    Nicky P (aka Ripleygirl)

  30. Sarah

    Winnie, you are marvellous! You Ran. A. Marathon! How many people can say they did that? That they completed that enormous mind/body challenge? Not many. I know you are disappointed that it was not the race you planned to run, but you finished it and you did brilliantly! Well done!

  31. Lizzy

    Winnie, just starting to do a marathon is a battle in itself and writing about it with such honesty even more so.
    My husband is training to do a half Ironman (3km swim, 90km bike ride, 21km run) and while I have resented most of his 15 hours a week training (getting up at 5am and getting home after work & a run at 7pm) I do appreciate that it’s something he wants (and needs) to do. So we will be lining the track next weekend and cheering him on (perhaps with a beer in hand but no bikinis). He’s not going to win but he simply wants to finish or give it a red hot go.
    It’s about the journey as much as the race. And you my love have a marathon in you, it’s just waiting. xo

  32. Donna

    Bless you lovely lady. I wish I’d been in blog land more often as if I’d known you were running I would have cheered you on!
    As a former runner (and just starting to rekindle it) I admire you so much. I totally get where you’re coming from, but please don’t be so hard on yourself. That’s a massive achievement and you’ve done brilliantly.
    Take care, and I’m so pleased for you. X

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